A Spell for the Fulfillment of Desire- Excerpt

Invocation of Muse Joe approaches the blank page. The voices begin. Please, no more man starts big and dies stuff. No sports medicine. No first person unless it's of Normal Mailer/Edward Abbey Quality. No personal experience, technical, general-interest or opinion material. We don't want a "Me-n-Joe" narrative of every breakfast and fuel stop. No religious, astrological, or political material or articles promoting a particular group or system of thought. No poking fun or mushy, sentimental articles.

Joe starts sweating. His hypothalamus and adrenals are ready for fight or flight. He raises his hands high above the keyboard. The voices buzz. ZzzAvoidzzzgraphiczzzsexzzzAvoidzzzcertainzzzobviouszzzclicheszzzzNozzzsimplezzboyzzzzmeetingzzgirlzzzatzzlaundromatzzzNozzavantegardezzzaboutzzzthezzzendzzofzzthezzworldzzzzzNozzdepressingzzzsstuffzzzNozzzundocumentedzzzopinionzzzorzzznarrativezzNozzzpublishedzzorzzunpublishedzzorzzunpublishedzzzzzzfamilyzzzhistorieszzzzNozzbasicszzorzzgeneralzzstorieszzzzzNozztestimonialszzzzfromzzmemberszzzzNozzarticleszzaimedzzatzzthezzzzunsophisticatedzzaudiencezzzzbudgetzzorzzhowzztozzpieceszzzzzzzz.

Joe swallows hard. He pulls his hands back. He shakes his head. He will do it. He clenches his buttocks and grits his teeth. The voices become gentle like airport paging. The trouble with most freelancers is that they think anyone with a typewriter is a writer. We don't want to see writing by men. We don't buy over the transom. We use only nonfiction. We use only fiction. We focus on local writers. Freelancers can best break into our publication by writing short pieces. All short work done in-house try poetry. No poetry. Query with published clips. No queries. No computer printouts. No submissions without ASCII disks. Be sure it hasn't been done before. But call first before writing or submitting it. Use only agented stories.

Joe falls slowly off the chair. He is still for a long while. The paper laughs.